TOP 100-something REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD GO OUT WITH ME

  1. Was born on the same day as:
  2. Can ride a motorcycle at speeds upwards of 36 Mph, without falling off.
  3. Doesn't regularly destroy the asthetic value of foods cooked on a barbeque
  4. My shoelaces are hardly ever untied
  5. Can cook edible food items
  6. For some reason owns three copies of the complete works of Shakespeare
  7. No virulent strains of ebola are named after me
  8. Know where my towel is
  9. Haven't recorded a Greatest Hits album with Laurence Welk
  10. Didn't shoot Mr. Burns
  11. Have a brand new truck
  12. Can converse in American Sign Language more fluently than in Farsi
  13. Don't cry over spilled milk
  14. Remembers all the words to 'Rufus Xavier Sassparilla'
  15. Can say (and spell) supercalifragilisticexpialidocious forwards and backwards
  16. Played RiffRaff in the Rocky Horror floor show
  17. Didn't incite Che Gueverra to shack up with Evita Peron (La Santa Peronista!)
  18. Don't pick my nose in public
  19. Owns a copy of Casablanca and Singin' in the Rain
  20. Have never put a red shirt in with the whites
  21. Was not directly responsible for the Holocaust
  22. When getting off an elevator at a 20+ story building, I don't push all the buttons so everyone has to stop at every floor
  23. Elvis is dead and Bob Saget is married; who's left?
  24. Reads National Geographic, and not just for the nude pictures of African gorillas
  25. Cats seem to like me
  26. Havn't wet my bed for at least two weeks now
  27. Have my own toothbrush
  28. Always keep my printer paper well-stocked
  29. Doesn't turn into a werewolf during full moons
  30. Hardly ever slurps when drinking soup
  31. Knows the capital of Alaska
  32. Always manage to resist the urge to poke sharp objects into my ear on the first date
  33. Is very proficient at whistling "Turkey In the Straw"
  34. Is only mere words away from completing a New York Times crossword puzzle I began in 1981
  35. Is not an alien from another dimension bent on World destruction
  36. Played no part in the Cuban Missile Crisis
  37. Have never been Captain of, nor been aboard, the Exxon Valdez
  38. Very rarely have homicidal tendencies
  39. Make excellent use of my spare time
  40. DOES NOT OVERUSE THE CAPSLOCK KEY
  41. Subscribes to the theory that the world is round
  42. Does not make fun of Boutros-Boutros Ghali's name unnecessarily
  43. Is mixing up 'dessert' and 'desert' less and less every day
  44. Found Waldo
  45. Have never passed out on any world leader's front lawn
  46. Have never been fired by George Steinbrenner
  47. Cried at the end of John Steinbeck's 'Of Mice and Men'
  48. Have never found rude shapes in clouds
  49. Try not to giggle when I cut one
  50. Was recently talked about as "Everybody's Best Friend (tm)" by someone he doesn't even know
  51. Have never blatantly misused a blender
  52. Rarely blacks out for more than a few seconds
  53. Make a real effort not to spit when I talk
  54. Own the Led Zeppelin box set and makes copies for my friends
  55. Don't scrape my vegetables onto my grandmother's plate when no one is looking
  56. Wear male undergarments
  57. Have never been struck by lightning while simultaneously being hit by a falling meteorite
  58. Is an accomplished tv-avoider
  59. Have never been involved in the shipment of plutonium to Germany
  60. Have never opened fire on an innocent group of unarmed people
  61. Did not mastermind Julius Caeser's death; that was Cassius
  62. Owns several issues of Aliens comics in near mint condition
  63. Have James Doohans (Scotty, from Star Trek) autograph
  64. Had no trouble committing my phone number to memory
  65. Have never gotten the high score on any video game
  66. Rarely stares directly at the sun
  67. Have never dumped in my pants while sliding into 3rd base
  68. Have never broken into a bear's home and eaten all his porridge
  69. Have never given the bird to a lady over age 60
  70. So far, have never resorted to cannibalism
  71. Have never exploited the tradition of mistletoe to kiss my aunt
  72. Never stares at someone's wart for more than 2-3 minutes
  73. Have never caused a traffic accident because I was fixing my make-up
  74. Have no communicable diseases
  75. No tyrannical system of government is named after me
  76. Have no plans to ever give the Pope a wedgie
  77. Was completely uninvolved in the trade that sent Doug Gilmour away for Gary Leeman
  78. Never rings doorbells and then runs away before they answer
  79. Enjoy making Barf-Bag puppets while on domestic airline flights
  80. Never forgot my bug spray when going out into the woods
  81. Have never pulled the football away from Charlie Brown
  82. Very rarely ties cans to a cat's tail
  83. Hardly ever referred to as 'infernal'
  84. Have never suffered from lockjaw
  85. Recognizes Xenon as a noble gas
  86. Excellent at compiling purposeless lists
  87. Would give up my appendix for the right woman
  88. Great with kids; even better with roast beef
  89. Hold the record for the highest spot on the cafeteria wall I got my cheese to stick to in grade six.
  90. Have never hit a silver-medalist in the knee with a club
  91. The part I played in the bombing of Hiroshima is largely exagerated
  92. Have never gambled away a girlfriend in Las Vegas, as well as many other places in the world
  93. Have managed so far not to decapitate myself
  94. Gets fewer and fewer 'ice-cream headaches'
  95. Wouldn't smoke nor drink while pregnant
  96. Have always managed to avoid being a victim of a 'piledriver'
  97. Have never locked myself in a car
  98. Have never played a mean trick on Smokey the Bear
  99. Does not use cruel mouse traps
  100. Have never let Frank Sinatra down
  101. Contrary to popular belief, I do not comb my hair with a fork
  102. Have never attempted to dance naked in a Jerry Lewis Telethon
  103. Very rarely have delusions of God
  104. Never placed a bet with Pete Rose
  105. It's been over a year since I last got my neck tangled in a telephone cord
  106. Can sing "House of the Rising Sun" much better than Tito Jackson
  107. Rarely eats paste between meals
  108. Is not the ominous voice in Mortal Kombat which says 'FINISH HIM!' just before a fatality
  109. Usually remembers to take the shell off of an egg before eating it
  110. Was nowhere near the grassy knoll November 3rd 1963
  111. Often resist the powerful temptation to shave rude swear words in my hair
  112. And when I just can't resist, it's usually shaved somewhere where you can't see it
  113. Have managed to overcome a long-lasting desire to clean toasters in a bath-tub
  114. At Speedy, I'm a somebody
  115. At a touch of a button, can have a pizza delivered to me personally in under 30 minutes
  116. Unlike Vincent Van Gogh, would not chop off my ear for a girl
  117. Enjoys better table manners than John Belushi
  118. Is (marginally) more popular with feminists than Rush Limbaugh
  119. If it came right down to it, I could beat the pants off of Steven Hawking in a fair fight
  120. Would never forget to clean the microwave after having placed a small rodent inside
  121. The rumours of my involvement in the Chernobyl crisis are mostly unfounded
  122. No longer bears a grudge against Santa Claus for failing to deliver an automatic rifle in Christmas of '80
  123. It is increasingly rare that I make obscene phone calls to Bea Arthur
  124. Come on, I'm not *that* much of an eyesore!
  125. Is not fooled when given poisoned candy on Halloween from my mother
  126. Refuses to play 'let's hide grandma's teeth'
  127. Can be easily entertained for hours with simple, one-piece toys
  128. The sources which publicized my involvement in the Iran-Contra scandal were unreliable
  129. As of yet, have never overlooked the importance of regular, continuous breathing
  130. There is a refreshing absence of monsters under my bed these days
  131. Have never smuggled tinker toys onto an international flight
  132. Nevers pees in someone else's sink
  133. My picking a fight with an inanimate object is quite uncommon
  134. Is heterosexual, unmarried and have a pulse
  135. Give me 100+ reasons why you shouldn't
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