August 17, 2000

Love Covers
John 15:9-17
August 20, 2000
David Beckett, D.Min.
St. John United Methodist Church

Do you know why parents take zillion pictures of their kids when they are adorable little babies? It's so when those cute little toddlers grow into teenagers, parents can frantically dig out all those old pictures and remind themselves that their rebellious, hormone-crazed adolescents really are their children and they really do love them.

The love/hate relationship between parents and teenagers is

pretty well known. Psychologists, sociologists, physicians, and therapists have at last found something they can agree on:

Adolescence is a tough time for everyone to get through.

Author Anthony E. Wolf has caught the spirit of this struggle in a straight-forward little book whose title alone says it all: Get Out of My Life! But First, Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?: A Parents' Guide to the New Teenager. Wolf is writing for parents, but he presents the feelings and anxieties of teenagers with candor and clarity, without any sugarcoating for either parents or teens.

When reasonably well-adjusted, loving parents have tried to make their children feel the warmth and security of their love, Wolf argues, some surprising results can occur. Our kids tend to

develop a sense of entitlement to that parental love -- a feeling

parents want their kids to have, but a feeling parents aren't

always happy with when it manifests itself.

Here are some examples of this "entitlement attitude" voiced

through Wolf's typical teenager: "Yeah. My parents are supposed

to take care of me. They're supposed to protect me. I suppose I

should act better to them than I do. But even if I act like a

jerk, they're still supposed to love me. No matter what I do".

In "real life," we might not like the way this conviction gets

played out. But if as parents we've let our kids know how much we

love them, then as teenagers they will believe that "love covers." Love covers all the rotten, hurtful things your daughter just yelled at you before slamming the door into her room. That's why she can ask you for that ride to the mall five minutes later. Love covers your son's refusal to go with the family on your traditional campout. That's why he asks to have free use of the other car the whole weekend. This idea of "Love covers" actually fuels family conflicts.

This is the first meaning of "love covers:" the covering-up

quality of our love for our kids. But there's another way our "love covers" our independence-craving teenagers. Wolf claims that a large part of the reason teenagers are "allergic" to their parents, can't bear to be seen with them in public or even talk to them at home, is because they feel smothered by the cover of our love.

Being near their parents creates feelings of wanting to be near them, as always before, feelings of loving them and wanting their love. But these feelings are now repugnant. And because parents are the source of these unacceptable feelings,

adolescents are repelled by their own parents. Teenagers flee from their parents because they fear being buried under an avalanche of love from which they will never escape.

As adults we can relate with this, can't we? Don't we sometimes find ways to keep loved ones out of our lives? Do you ever blank out in front of the TV screen during the evening? Do you spend more time with business associates than with your family? Adults don't develop "allergies" to those who love them --instead we talk about our need for "personal space" or for "room to grow."

A frustrated woman in a counseling session finally blurted out: "All I want from my husband is not much more than my dog wants from him. When my husband comes home, our dog barks and runs to him, waiting for three things to happen: first, a kind look; second, a friendly word; and third, a loving touch." She summarized: "A look, a word, a touch; that's all I really want in this relationship."

Jesus offered to his disciples the gift and power of a love that truly covers all. The disciples quickly found ways to abuse that covering love. Judas betrays Jesus into the hands of the authorities -- but Jesus never speaks a word against Judas or ever denies his love for Judas. Peter denies Jesus three times. He actually said these hurtful words, "I don't even know him." Yet Jesus ignores this attempt to throw off his love and loves him still. The remaining disciples run and hide during and after the

crucifixion. They don't want to be seen with Jesus or vaguely

associated with him -- yet Jesus' amazing love seeks them out and

covers them with the reassurance of the resurrection.

An adult SS teacher in Texas, Ed Gentry, wrote this story in his class newsletter: When I was a kid, we used to go to my grandparents' dairy farm for a week each summer and each Christmas. Each morning my grandmother would wake up at 4 a.m. and head out to the pasture to round up the cows and take them to the barn to be milked. I will never forget the day I came of age. It was announced that the following morning I would be allowed to get up and go with my grandmother as she performed her duties. By the time grandma was ready to go the next morning, so was I ... decked out complete with cowboy boots, plastic chaps, genuine leather holster, metal cap gun (spit polished and with a fresh roll of caps all loaded up), bandanna, cowboy hat, and if memory serves, she found me digging around, looking for a piece of rope to be used to wrangle the particularly reluctant "doggies."

You can imagine my surprise when, as we started to walk to the barn, she began to softly call out the cows' names into the

darkness. By the time we got to the barn, the first few cows were

lining up to come in and get milked. I don't remember if the

surprise knocked me off my feet or if I slipped on a cow patty,

but I was really bothered. This was NOT how you were supposed to round up cattle!! It bothered me for a long time.

As we studied Psalm 23 last month, this memory came rushing back (yeah, it still bothers me a little). But for some reason, my vision is of God gently calling our names out in the dark as we walk through our lives. I think cattle prods would be much more effective, but Jesus says, "My sheep know my voice and I know them, and they follow me: and I give eternal life to them, and they shall never perish; and no one shall snatch them out of my hand".

Jesus' love covers -- promising to keep all his disciples warm

and secure, not from the world, but for the world. But Jesus puts

one condition on his unconditional love -- that the disciples

keep his commandment to "love one another" with the same all-

covering love that he offers to them. To remain in Jesus' love demands something back from his disciples -- they must bear the fruit of love themselves.

And so we are called to be blankets of love which cover each other no matter how deep our faults lie. Mary Ann Bird wrote a short story entitled "The Whisper Test." It is a true story from her own life. "I grew up knowing I was different, and I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate, and when I started school, my classmates made it clear to me how I must look to others: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth and garbled speech.

"When schoolmates would ask, 'What happened to your lip?' I'd tell them I'd fallen and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it

seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have been born different. I was convinced that no one outside my

family could love me.

"There was, however, a teacher in the second grade that we all adored -- Mrs. Leonard by name. She was short, round, happy – a sparkling lady. Annually, we would have a hearing test. I was

virtually deaf in one of my ears; but when I had taken the test in past years, I discovered that if I did not press my hand as tightly upon my ears as I was instructed to do, I could pass the test. Mrs. Leonard gave the test to everyone in the class, and finally it was my turn. I knew from past years that as we stood against the door and covered one ear, the teacher sitting at her desk would whisper something and we would have to repeat it back ... things like, 'The sky is blue' or 'Do you have new shoes?' I waited there for those words, words which God must have put into her mouth, those seven words which changed my life. Mrs. Leonard said, in her whisper, 'I wish you were my little girl.'"

Isn't it incredible? That seven words could change a life? There are so many people out there who are made to feel deformed and different and ugly. And some of them are our own teenagers, our own children, our own spouses. Can we find it in our hearts to remove the barriers in our lives so that the love of Jesus Christ can flow freely to others? Not in our own strength. But in Christ, we can make a difference. In Christ, love can truly cover everything.

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