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Reconciliation or Resentment. Reconciliation or Resentment. Ginger or Mary Ann. Life is full of choices. Did you choose to give up something for Lent? The other day I heard someone say they were giving up negative thinking for Lent. I thought, "that’s dumb! She’ll never be able to keep that up for forty days!" I, on the other hand, have chosen the same thing to give up that I have given up every Lent for at least 25 years: pole-vaulting. Life is full of choices. Paul says in his second letter to the church at Corinth, that we have been given the ministry of reconciliation. I know what I hope that means. I hope that means that I get to say to you, "here, let me tell you what you should do to be reconciled to your parents, or siblings, or spouse, or ex-spouse, or your co-worker, or your neighbor." I am really good at telling you what you ought to do. I once had a business called, "Come, let me run your life for you." And I will nearly always advise that you do the right thing, take the first step, admit your fault, apologize, forgive, be reconciled in your relationships. Unfortunately, it is much easier to give that advice than to live it. But we have all been given the ministry of reconciliation and that means not just talking about it, but living it as well. The Gospel lesson in today’s lectionary is one of the best known parables of Jesus. And interestingly it is identified by a variety of names: The most common title we use is "the prodigal son". The NRSV refers to it as "the Prodigal and His Brother."; the Good News Bible calls it "the Lost Son" and that would raise the question, "which son is lost?" I have suggestions for a name for each part of this parable: the first one would be "the boy who couldn’t wait"; the second, "the Father who could always wait", and the third, "the man who grew tired of waiting." This is a rich story that can be studied from various perspectives, but today, let’s just look at it as it relates to the Corinthian scripture about reconciliation and our human condition of resentment. Opportunities for resentment abound in this parable and therefore opportunities for reconciliation. Let’s look at the first scene. (Luke 15:11-16) Have you ever been the younger son: so eager to get on with life that you just couldn’t wait! You were pretty sure you knew everything you needed to know—you certainly didn’t need any advice from your father—"just give me the money and let me get out of here!" I can imagine that the lad resented his father’s authority over him and perhaps resented being the younger son. The father probably resented his son’s defiant, disobedient attitude and his lack of appreciation for all the father did for his family. So the boy left and following resentment came regret. It wasn’t long before the boy had the humbling experience of discovering that he wasn’t nearly as smart or self-sufficient as he had imagined. Can you relate to this young man? Have you, like me, had more humbling experiences than you care to recall? How about the father? Have you ever just given in to your kids against your better judgement hoping against hope that they wouldn’t become a casualty and would ultimately come back to a reasonable way of thinking? I think that regret followed resentment for the father too. I wonder if he didn’t ask himself day after day, "why did I let the boy go? Why did I make it easy for him? If only I had stood my ground a little firmer maybe he would be here with me today?" Before we get to the older son, let’s look at how reconciliation followed resentment and regret in the relationship between the younger son and the father. What steps brought about the reconciliation? As we look at these steps, I invite you to think of a situation in your own life where you might consider following these steps to walk from resentment and regret to reconciliation. (Luke 15:17-24) First, the scripture says he "came to himself." He actually hadn’t been himself. He was living in poverty—not just poverty created by lack of food and housing, but also poverty of spirit. He was in a country that was experiencing a famine. I think this could also be taken figuratively. And he was in a foreign country. Nothing around him was familiar. He wanted to go home! Is that the way it is when we choose to live in our resentments? There is a sense of poverty of spirit—we are hungry all the time, but we don’t know what will fill us; we are simply not satisfied. Nothing around us seems familiar. In short, we aren’t at home. We aren’t living in Christ. We are living in our resentment and that’s not the habitat God created for us. But the son came to himself. He came to the realization that he had made a mistake. His second step was to get up and do something about it. His plan was to go to his father, admit his mistake, apologize, and ask to be accepted back as a servant. Now this is where many of us fail in our reconciliation. We realize we are at fault and we actually formulate a plan, but we just can’t bring ourselves to actualize that plan. But not the son. He carried out his plan at least as far as his father would allow. But you know the rest of the story. Before he even got completely through his apology, his father was celebrating his return. There’s another aspect of a relationship to consider. Up to now we have been thinking of how to make amends for our shortcomings, but how are we when we find ourselves on the receiving end of an apology. Do we just let the person grovel sort of enjoying their discomfort and our own vindication? Or do we celebrate the renewal of the relationship? It would be great if this were the end of the story. One of the things I enjoy about reading romance novels is that they always have a happy ending. But that is not our reality. Unfortunately, there is always the older brother. (Luke 15:25-32) You may know him. You may be him. He’s never made a mistake. He’s pretty much perfect. And since so few people realize it he has to keep reminding them. He has this resentment thing down pat. He has a graduate degree in it. Why do I understand him so well! It appears that reconciliation doesn’t really seem to be a choice for the older brother. But you know, I have hope for the older brother. First, I want to have hope for him because I identify so strongly with him. I want to believe that since the father was so good at waiting for his younger son to come home in a very literal way, that he will be just as patient in waiting for this older, self righteous son to "come home" in his heart; to choose reconciliation over resentment. How about you? Are you ready to choose reconciliation over resentment? Are you ready to admit your part in the estrangement of a relationship? To make that call, to confess, to be contrite, and to ask for forgiveness? Are you ready to choose reconciliation over resentment? Are you ready to receive that call, to hear the apology, to forgive, and to celebrate? Are you ready to choose reconciliation over resentment? Sometimes we are hurt so deeply that it takes a long time of healing before we can move from resentment to forgiveness and reconciliation. I believe that God not only wants us to get there, but that God will help us get there. The scriptures says, "Everything has become new! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation." Thanks be to God! |
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03/25/01 - Reconciliation or Resentment
