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The Israelites had crossed the Jordan River into the promised land. Joshua is near the end of his life and is speaking to all the people. He recounts their journey of deliverance from Egyptian bondage to freedom. In this final speech Joshua implores the people to put away the gods of their ancestors, and serve the Lord. He tells them in verse 15, "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." A familiar phrase. What does it mean for a household in Anchorage, Alaska to serve the Lord? Let me share with you a bit of history of the family. First of all we would do well to remember that the family unit existed before the church and the synagogue. The first altar around which primitive people worshipped was the hearth with its open fire burning in the center of the home. Later this center moved to the table where meals were celebrated. It was around the hearth and table that the stories of the family were remembered. The mothers and fathers were the spiritual leaders of the home. They held the power of blessing long before the rise of a temple or church. Even when temples were established the home was still considered to be the primary place of worship. And in each home there was a central, sacred place for prayer. For most families today the home is not the primary place of worship anymore. We come to church for our worship and Christian education. And when we don’t get to church, well, then it’s something that can always wait. But can it? Is the spiritual formation of our children and grandchildren something to be put on the back burner while parents deal with the pressing demands of sports, music lessons, video entertainment, and hectic family schedules? Clovis Chappell, a minister from the 1800’s, used to tell the story of two paddleboats. They left Memphis about the same time, traveling down the Mississippi River to New Orleans. As they traveled side by side, sailors from one vessel made a few remarks about the snail's pace of the other. Words were exchanged. Challenges were made and the race began. Competition became vicious as the two boats roared through the Deep South. One boat began falling behind. Not enough fuel. There had been plenty of coal for the trip, but not enough for a race. As the boat dropped back, an enterprising young sailor took some of the ship's cargo and tossed it into the ovens. When the sailors saw that the supplies burned as well as the coal, they fueled their boat with the material they had been assigned to transport. They ended up winning the race, but burned their cargo. Max Lucado writes, "God has entrusted "cargo" to us: our children, spouses, friends. Our job is to do our part in seeing that this cargo reaches its destination. Yet when the program takes priority over people, people often suffer. How much cargo do we sacrifice in order to achieve the number one slot? How many people never reach the destination because of the aggressiveness of a competitive captain?" How many families suffer because there is no spiritual center in the home? When I was a young pastor with a family of small children I talked a lot with older pastors about balancing family life with pastoring a church. They all said that if they had it to do over again, they would spend more time with their family. This is advice I have tried to live out in my ministry. But now my kids are teenagers. They don’t want to spend as much time with their dad as when they were little. I suppose I need to find my own friends now! If our households today are to serve the Lord like Joshua’s, then several things need to be in place. With the exception of encouraging individual prayer and Bible reading, they all mean doing things "together." I looked up the word "together" and was fascinated at what I saw. "Together" means to be in union, proximity, contact, or collision with others." I wonder if our understanding of family togetherness needs to be adjusted somewhat to include this notion of collision. I wonder if parents envision a kind of idyllic image of family time where everyone is nice to each other. But what about the collision part of family togetherness? We need to understand that tension is a necessary part of any family system. Conflict in households is inevitable. Collisions will happen! And for many families today, collision best describes household togetherness. Who can ever forget Winston Churchill's immortal words: "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills." Robert Orden wrote, "That sounds exactly like our family vacation." Here are five activities I believe are foundational to family spiritual formation. As we go through this list please keep in mind the collision part of this togetherness. 1. Households need to learn how to pray together. Does your household say bedtime prayers? Do you offer a prayer of thanks before a meal? A father took his small son with him out to lunch. When the waiter brought the food, the father said, "Son, we'll just have a silent prayer." Dad got through praying first and waited for his son to finish his prayer, but he just sat with his head bowed for an unusually long time. When he finally looked up, his father asked him, "What in the world were you praying about all that time?" With the innocence and honesty of a child, he replied, "How do I know? It was a silent prayer." Silent prayers. Word prayers. The important thing is that families create some space for family prayer. With small children the key is to keep it short, but regular. One minute of prayer every day are usually more helpful than 30 minutes once a month. 2. Households need to engage in good works together. Families don’t need to wait for the church to organize a food drive. They can visit the food bank or a shelter and do a mission project together. They can pick up trash in their neighborhoods. The church will continue to help families do outreach to others with missions like the Rice Bags or the Food Bags you will get next Sunday. Children soon understand that this is part of the church’s mission. But when children see parents initiating outreach to the poor in the name of Christ they learn that mission is an important part of being a family in Christ. 3. Households need to play together. One of my early memories as a child was receiving a battery operated tank for Christmas. I remember how it moved along the carpet, how it’s turret turned and fired. I also remember my father playing with me, so much so that he wanted to play with my tank which made me a bit jealous! When my children were tiny I remember looking forward to their getting older…so I could play with their cool toys! Today families are so busy with activities that require so much commitment that parents no longer feel they have control of their schedules. Let me ask a question. Where does it say that kids can’t miss a practice or a game or a lesson in order to spend time playing with the family? By now you know that our family has a phrase we call FORCED FAMILY FUN. We have three busy teenagers at home and they are always coming and going. But from time to time Kim and I plan a family event where we force them to have family fun! Are we mean parents or what? On a rainy Saturday last month I was home with two bored kids. So I announced a Forced Family Fun time. I made them play Scrabble with me. And you know what? They actually had fun, proving my theory that forced family fun can be fun! 4. Households need to eat together. Families may not have fireplaces, but they do have dining tables. Did you know there is a study that showed a positive correlation between family dinners and higher grades in school? Regular family dinners can actually help children do better in school. Family meal times are important in our family. Sometimes they are short and often they are at 5:00, but it is a time to come together to pray, eat, and talk about our highs and lows of the day. Family dinners in our household can also be a collision of tired minds and wounded egos. Sometimes the love is not served with the chicken casserole. 5. Households need to learn and practice forgiveness. There are spiritual practices that must be taught as well as caught. Forgiveness is an art that requires both. Children need to be taught about how to seek forgiveness as well as see it practiced in the home. Learning how to deal with our sinful pride is an essential part of how Christ shapes and forms us. A woman wrote to Dear Abby about a father's forgiveness and a son's need to forgive himself. A young man from a wealthy family was about to graduate from high school. It was the custom in that affluent neighborhood for the parents to give the graduate an automobile. 'Bill' and his father had spent months looking at cars, and the week before graduation they found the perfect car. Bill was certain that the car would be his on graduation night. Imagine his disappointment when, on the eve of his graduation, Bill's father handed him a gift-wrapped Bible! Bill was so angry, he threw the Bible down and stormed out of the house. He and his father never saw each other again. It was the news of his father's death that brought Bill home again. As he sat one night, going through his father's possessions that he was to inherit, he came across the Bible his father had given him. He brushed away the dust and opened it to find a cashier's check, dated the day of his graduation - in the exact amount of the car they had chosen together. Forgiveness is so important. Is there someone you need to forgive? Maybe someone in your own household? The hard thing about family life is that being together doesn’t always create the bonding feelings we so want and need. For many families, being together is about a collision of desires and egos, especially when children become teenagers. And we often don’t know how to handle those collisions in ways that help us grow in our Christian faith. It is easy for us to stay in our usual patterns and ruts. A man once bought a new radio, brought it home, placed it on the refrigerator, plugged it in, turned it to WSM in Nashville (home of the Grand Ole Opry), and then pulled all the knobs off! He had already tuned in all he ever wanted or expected to hear. The promise of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that we can change our patterns of family living. We can be open to change. We can put back the knobs and experience a new station. It’s hard to nurture our families’ spiritual life if we don’t pay attention to our own. We need to remember that the family is the primary place where God shapes and forms us. With time, patience, and the grace of God, you and I can say with Joshua, "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." |
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11.10.02 - Households Together (Joshua 24: 1-3a, 14-18)
