|
|
|
I truly appreciate the positive feedback given on this sermon series…men saying, "You got me pegged." Even the women are finding it valuable. I’ve heard comments such as, "Now I understand my husband a little bit better." One woman said she appreciated that the messages are spoken directly to men. Another woman asked if I was going to do a series on women. I just laughed. I’ll leave that to Rose or Diana. One of my favorite TV programs is The Red Green Show on PBS on Saturday nights. Red Green is the owner of Possum Lodge in a small town in Canada. Much of the humor is centered on the trials and tribulations of being a man. They also like to use duct tape a lot. At the end of the show all the men gather in the basement of the lodge. Their meeting is opened with the saying of The Man’s Prayer, which goes like this: I’m a man. But I can change….if I have to….I guess. Today is the third in a series dealing with men and their issues. Last Sunday we laughed a lot and since then I’ve endured some good-natured teasing as a result. But I’m okay. After all, I’m a man and I can change…if I have to…I guess. If last week’s tears were due to laughter, this week’s tears may be for sadness. This is because there is a very important step in every man’s search for his true heart. We often do everything we can to avoid it. We would rather go shopping with our wives than face it. Today we’re talking about the male wound. Three of the books I have here all talk about the male wound. It is a topic you won’t find being discussed among men. It’s not something boys and men find easy to talk about. Author, John Eldredge, writes, "Every boy in his journey to become a man, takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and even more rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given by his father." We need to understand the nature of masculinity. Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns how to be a man from being with other men. He cannot learn it from being with women. In Scripture it is the father who gives the blessing and name to his son. Even Jesus needed such a blessing from his father. After his baptism he heard God say to him, "You are my Son, whom I love. With you I am well pleased." The deepest desire of every boy is to hear his father say these words to him, "You are my son. I am proud of you. I love you." Poet Robert Bly writes, "The traditional way of raising sons for thousands of years amounted to fathers and sons living in close proximity, while the father taught the son a trade. When a father and son spend long hours together, which some fathers and sons still do, we could say that a substance almost like food passes from the older body to the younger." Did your father spend lots of time with you? My father enjoyed watching war movies on TV. I can remember being 10 and scouring the TV guide for upcoming war movies. I’d say, "Dad! There’s a war movie on this afternoon. Do you want to watch it?" Sometimes he would say, "No, I’ve already seen it." He didn’t realize that it wasn’t about war movies. It was about my desire to spend time with my dad. Sometimes, when we did watch one, he would rub my neck. When he stopped I remember wanting to say, "Don’t stop, Dad. Please don’t stop." But I did not know how to say it. Eldredge writes, "Some fathers give a wound merely by their silence; they are present, yet absent to their sons. The questions go unanswered. "Do I have what it takes? Am I a man, Daddy?" Their silence is the answer: "I don’t know…I doubt it…you’ll have to find out for yourself… probably not." Sometimes the wound is not so silent. In the movie, "Stand By Me," a 12-year old boy by the name of Gordon had an older brother who was the high school football star and who died in a car crash. His parents focused so much of their attention on his brother that they ignored Gordon. The clip I want to show you is of Gordon spilling out his wound with his best friend, Chris. ----------------- video clip----------------------- When I was 12 I played football. My first year on the team was a good experience, but the second was not. We got a new coach who treated us like we were little Marines. I had played receiver the first year and loved it but this coach put my skinny body on the defensive line. I think it was his way of toughening me up. I stuck it out even though I hated the position. On the last practice before the last game the coach kept us late. In a scrimmage situation he had a big, bruising fullback run right at me. I was supposed to plug up the hole, but instead got knocked on my can. So the coach had us do the same play, and again I failed to tackle the guy. After the 5th time I remember being on my back, and with the entire team watching, this coach leaned over and screamed at me these words, "Beckett, you are a sissy! I don’t want you ever to come back to this team unless you are wearing a dress!" Practice was over. I got on my bike and rode home in the darkness and never cried and never told a soul what had happened until 15 years later! In a single moment that man shouted to the world that 12-year-old Dave Beckett was not a wild man! He was not a tough guy! In a single moment he successfully derailed my journey towards manhood. There is nothing more embarrassing than having your masculinity questioned at age 12, in front of other 12 yr old boys. So what are the effects of male wounds like this? The effects can be life changing and lifelong. Eldredge writes, "Every wound, whether it’s assaultive or passive, delivers with it a message. Our reaction to it shapes our personality in very significant ways. From that flows the false self. Most of the men you meet are living out a false self, a pose, which is directly related to his wound." Think about all the posing that men do. We are afraid of being exposed. We are afraid of letting out the hurt from our boyhood wounds, so we say things and do things to make others believe we can do this or that. We engage in this process of creating a false self. The more we build up our false self, the more we are separated from our true heart. Eldredge says there are two options for most men when dealing with their wound. "Men either overcompensate for their wound and become driven men, or they shrink back and go passive. Often it’s an odd mixture of both." We can become control nuts in our attempt to create a world that will match our false self. When a man is living, not from his heart, but from his false self, he will do just about anything to protect that image. Many a man has been quite successful in his work because of a driven desire to live up to a false image. Maybe you’ve known a time in your life when you were driven. Other men check out. They go passive. Eldredge tells the story of Charles, an artistic boy and piano player, whose father teased him about his "feminine" endeavors. "Years later, as a man in his late twenties, he does not know what do with his life. He has no passion, cannot find a career to love. And so he cannot commit to the woman he loves, cannot marry her because he is so uncertain of himself." When boys are hurt, they carry that hurt with them into manhood. But that hurt is like a rickety, rope bridge over a deep chasm. We are afraid to cross it. We don’t want to face the hurt. In our moments of loneliness, those times when we think we want to cross the bridge, we find ourselves alone and easily find reasons to stay on the dark side of the wound. Women can help a man face his hurt, but sometimes they drive a man away from the bridge. A man needs other men in order to make this journey. We need to know from other men that it is okay to face our wounds. It is okay to cry. It is okay to search for our true heart. One day a small boy was trying to lift a heavy stone, but he couldn’t budge it. His father, passing by, stopped to watch his efforts. Finally, he said to his son, "Are you using all your strength?" Exasperated, the boy said, "Yes, I am!" "No, you’re not, " said the dad. "Son, you haven’t asked me to help you." Men need each other. And we need to ask God for help. The promise of the good news of Jesus Christ is that he will give us the strength to face our wounds. He will give us the grace to be healed. Maybe then we can hear our Lord say to us, "You are my beloved son. I’m proud of you."
|
The St. John Web Site needs your input! Click here to leave feedback Copyright © 1998-2004 Jon S. Dawson. Last modified: February 01, 2009
|
02.02.03 - Wild at Heart (Part 3) (Psalm 51:15-17 Luke 3:21-22)
