|
|
|
I was an 8th grade teacher at Floyd Middle School in Atlanta, Georgia. A group of teachers were waiting in a room to play the students in a basketball game. I remarked to my principal, "You know what I have discovered about teaching? 50% of teaching is repeating directions." My principal shot right back, "What did you say?" I said, "50% of teaching is repeating directions." The laughter of other teachers helped me to get the joke, and I laughed with them. Anyone working or living with children knows that messages, directions, orders, everything has to be repeated multiple times before anything seems to register. Has anyone ever taken out the garbage after being asked only once? How many of you children clean your rooms after one invitation? How many of you write thank-you notes after only one entry in the "Things To Do" list you make up every day? But instructions aren't the only things we need to hear more than once in order to take them to heart. In order to survive and thrive we all need to hear someone say to us, "I love you." And it needs to happen more than once a year. For some of us who have weathered the hurts of broken relationships, saying, "I love you," for the first time again is one of the most frightening things we will ever do. In the TV sitcom, "Seinfeld", George is dating a woman who likes him. He tells Jerry and Elaine that he wants to tell her that he loves her. He says, "Why does everyone else get to say those words. Once before I die I’d like to say I love you to a woman. The only time I’ve ever said it was to a dog, and he just licked himself." So finally George summons the courage to tell this woman that he loves her. He speaks the words softly and her response is, "Are you hungry? I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat." Of course George is crushed, until he learns later that she is deaf in one ear. Saying "I love you" once is never enough. It is just the beginning. We must say AND show "I love you" over and over again -- we must hear "I love you" over and over again -- before we begin to trust the reality of those words and before we can feel the weight of the love that lies behind them. Joe Garagiola, former major league baseball star and TV personality, tells about a time when Stan Musial came to the plate in a critical game. As a super hitter, Musial was at the peak of his career. The opposing pitcher in the game was young and nervous. Garagiola, as the catcher, called for a fastball and the pitcher shook his head; Joe signaled for a curve and again the pitcher shook him off. He then asked for one of the pitcher's specialties and still the pitcher hesitated. So Joe went out to the mound for a conference. He said, "I've called for every pitch in the book; what do you want to throw?" "Nothing," was the pitcher's shaky reply. "I just want to hold on to the ball as long as I can." Don't we do the same thing when it comes to getting the words, "I love you," out of our mouths? We want to hold on to them as long as we can. Sometimes I can feel those words on the tip of my tongue. I desperately want to say them to a loved one, but at the same time something prevents me from speaking those precious words. Do you have difficulty saying "I love you" to a loved one? In today's gospel text, Jesus asks Peter three separate times, "Do you love me?" The risen Christ ties each of Peter's confessions of love for him to the command -- "Care for my sheep." What took Peter three times to get --and what takes all of us a lifetime to practice -- is that Jesus' question about "loving" and his command about "feeding" are one directive. Peter didn't understand immediately the implications of what it means to love Christ. Truly loving Christ means feeding the sheep -- it means loving, protecting, caring for all those whom Christ loves. "Peter do you love me?" -- "Then feed my lambs"; "Peter do you love me?" -- "Then tend my sheep"; "Peter do you love me?" -- "Then feed my sheep." Loving Christ and loving and tending Christ's flock are one and the same thing. Three little boys were debating whose mom was the most loving. The first little boy said: "My mommy loves me because I gave her a dollar, but she gave it back, saying 'Go and buy a piece of candy.' " The second little boy argued that his mother loved him more because "If I give her a dollar, she gives me back two dollars for two pieces of candy." The third little boy, seeing the direction of the debate, scratched his head and said, "Well, my mom loves me more because she would keep the dollar and then tell me how much that dollar will help her pay the bills." The love confessed and the love expressed can take many different forms -- and not all of them are pleasant. For every loving moment spent cuddling a new baby, there are lots of equally loving but not so lovely moments spent changing smelly diapers. Loving a spouse is planning a romantic candlelight dinner for two -- and going to the ballet when you would rather go to the basketball game (or vice versa). A loving friend gives you a comfortable place for coffee and conversation, but it also means being there for him or her at 2 a.m. when you are needed. Tending sheep and loving Christ is sometimes inconvenient, upsetting and uncomfortable. It takes more than just good intentions to make the kind of loving commitment Jesus was trying to get Peter to admit to -- it takes habits of love. Dairy cows with full udders don't much care whether it is Monday or Saturday or Sunday -- 4 a.m. is 4 a.m., and they need to be milked. This reality is what keeps part of the state of Indiana stubbornly on standard time all year round -- livestock only recognize their "biological clocks," not our playing around with the clock on the wall so we can fool ourselves about the amount of daylight we're getting. Establishing faith and love as a pattern of living takes commitment to repetition. Repetition: Jesus repeated his question to Peter three times -- not out of doubt or because of Peter's denseness, but in order to strengthen the power of his words. With each "Do you love me," the meaning behind this question seeped more deeply into Peter's heart. Jesus wanted to be sure Peter was really getting the story straight -- really getting the point of his question. There is an apocryphal story about an American ambassador who had a race with a Russian ambassador. The American ambassador won. The race was reported in the local press to the effect that there had been a race and the Russian ambassador had come in second and the American ambassador had come in just one before the last person in the race. There was no mention that it had been a two-person race. When something of importance gets left out of a story, the story can radically change. In the last few decades, repetition as a way of learning has received bad press for being simply "rote memorization." But there is another phrase children use to describe something they have committed to memory -- through repetition, we "learn by heart." All those prayers, those actions, those responses to life that we "learn by heart" through constant repetition become a part of our heart. "I love you" -- "Our Father ..." -- "Praise God" -- "God bless you." All these phrases represent repeated expressions of love and faith in our lives -- and they are no less powerful for having been repeated so often and so well that they are "learned by heart." Habits of love require repetition. They also involve ritual. Rituals need not be mindless acts; indeed, rituals rightly performed are mindful acts. We all have our personal rising rituals: we get up, brush our teeth, take a shower, walk the dog, make the coffee, read the paper or do some version of this routine. The consistency is comforting and settles our systems before we launch into another busy, hectic day. Have you established a similar habit, a pattern of faithfulness, that serves the same purpose in your relationship to Christ? We need faith-rituals to give us stability when everything else around us seems to be shifting. All faith rituals need not be as formal as going to church or receiving communion. A faith ritual might be breathing a prayer of thanksgiving every time you enter your home. It might be listening to a watch alarm and remembering that God is with you. Hey, let's get a little crazy. It might be a word of praise to God for every fish you bring out of the water this summer. Every eagle or a moose you see could serve as a ritual to remind you to be aware of God. Repetition and ritual. These words have been associated with words like dull and boring. But it doesn't have to be this way as long as the life-giving spirit of God flows through them. If our desire is for God then we will come to appreciate repetition and ritual. If our desire for God is blocked by our attachment to people and things, then repetition and ritual will be boring. Personally, I find it hard to say the words, "I love you", sometime. I realize that actions speak louder than words. But I also remember wanting so desperately as a child to hear my parents hold me and say to me, "I love you, son." Friends, the Creator of our universe is holding you today. And the words are there if we will listen, "I love you son. I love you daughter." |
The St. John Web Site needs your input! Click here to leave feedback Copyright © 1998-2004 Jon S. Dawson. Last modified: February 01, 2009
|
04.25.04 - Just Say I Love You (John 21:1-19)
