Hi. Well. Hmm. I decided to try your way to do this. First off, I don’t like it. I’d much rather be able to look into your eyes while I talk to you. This non-interaction shit sucks. But, hey, I’m willing to be open-minded. So...

What exactly do I have to talk to you about... Hmm... the only thing that’s rattling around in this brain of mine is that I want you back. I know it probably sounds stupid to you, but that’s the only thought percolating in here. I think of what we had before, and I spend crappy, restless nights thinking about what I could have done, and what I should have done.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, and wish I could go back in time. I can’t really think of something that would’ve changed anything, but the irrational part of my mind doesn’t quite listen to the logical part all that much. Especially when it comes to you. So...

What exactly do I do about it? That’s the question I need to answer to myself. I already told you that I want you back, didn’t I? Yeah, I think I already did.

You told me I should move on. That sucks. What kind of answer is that? Now I know I’m not the most expressive of people when it comes to feelings, but, honey, you got me beat. I have known you for what? Five, six years? Anyways, I still don’t how you feel half the time. Hell, I don’t even know exactly how you feel about me! How do you feel? About me, I mean.

You seemed like you felt more than friendship, at least you did that day when you called my quarters. You know, I never told you this, but I was sitting there working on new flight maneuvers the day you called and left that message. Can you remember which one I’m talking about? The one where you said you wanted to give it a chance, you and me? I was screening my comms, cause I didn’t really want to talk to anyone. Now, that didn’t really apply to you, of course, but when I heard it was you, and that you actually had such a reason for calling, I had to listen to what you had to say. I sat there at my desk next to the computer and listened to you, with this big ol’ grin plastered on my face. I couldn’t even open the line for fear you would suddenly change your mind and tell me to forget it. That was the most emotion I have ever heard from you, and it breaks my heart now.

I still care about you more than ever, but you hurt me. As dumb as it sounds, you did. I don’t know if you realized it, or even cared, but that’s why I haven’t been talking to you much the last few weeks. It hurts to. I listen to your voice and I think about all the times we would sit on the holodeck for hours. Am I the only one who misses that?

You have no idea how hard it was for me to not say "I love you" when we talked last night. It was right on the tip of my tongue, but I knew if I said something like that, it would probably make you distant. But all I could think about was the time when you actually asked me to say it. I remember the moment exactly.

We were lying in bed in my quarters, as we often did, well, after. You asked me to say it. Of course you couldn’t just say "tell me you love me," that would be against your code. But somehow you got the point across. You don’t know how much that meant to me. More than you can ever imagine, let’s just leave it at that.

You did a lot of little things like that, and I loved you more for each and every one of them. Like when we used to lay in your bed, and you wouldn’t let me go to sleep, even though I had to be on the bridge at 0600, and by then it was probably around 0300. You would make me sing to you before you’d let me sleep. I always complained about it, but to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t have traded those nights for anything.

You probably think I’m an idiot for feeling like this, huh? Well... I guess. Yeah. I don’t really know what to do, though. I wanted you so bad before, and I still do. The only difference is I’m not going to pursue you like I did last time. No more games. I’ve been playing games for too long. It’s time to deal with this like adults. I love you. I have for a long time, and I always will. I would do anything you ask of me, just for the chance to see you happy. I think you already know that. But I can’t chase anymore. I can’t throw my heart into this again without knowing that I’m not doing it all in vain. I’ve done that too much in my life, and I can’t do it anymore, at least not right now.

I chased after B'Elanna for about a year after we broke up before it finally sunk into my thick skull. Not that I’m not glad we didn’t end up together, I see now we weren’t meant to be. But the point is, I chased you for a long time, and when I finally thought I had you, you pulled a one-eighty on me.

So, I’m gonna ask you once more. Will you have me back? I know I’m not the most obvious choice for your affections, but you know I would love you more than anything in this universe. All I ask is that you think about how you felt when we were together and ask yourself if that’s something you want again. You know now that that’s what I want.

I’m not asking for an answer right away, in fact, I’d rather you didn’t give me an answer right away. I won’t pressure you... if you like, I won’t even mention it to you, aside from this communiqué'. But please give me some kind of answer, a real answer. Don’t just leave me hanging. If you decide to tell me no, that’s fine. It’s your choice and I wouldn’t want it to be otherwise.

Just know that I want to be with you, for as long as you’ll have me. Regardless of how this turns out, I will always be your friend. Above all, you have been my best friend for too many years for it to end over something like this, or anything else. I have recently realized that once again. I know there have been times when we haven’t been there for one another, but I want to change that, even if we just stay friends.

Remember, I will always love you, Harry.

Tom